was on hold but now am back

hi everyone ,
well after being through a few rough weeks with that news about my daughter and so on i am now ready to get back on track.
the last few weeks all i have been eating is junk food and i have not been exercising at all and i feel like crap i really do, and ive put back on i think about 5kgs in 2 months.
i have realized that me not being on my weight watchers has been really bad and not only that i am soooo hungry all the time.
ive been eating that much junk food that im actually sick of it i would be happy not to touch another burger meal again.
i know thats not going to happen but at least im at that point where im like ok thats enough.
so here i am back and hopefully i stick to it this time i just have to remember how sluggish i have been feeling lately and also rmember how good i was feeling when i was walking and eating properly.
well have a good week everyone and will be going to meeting tomorrow night better show my face back there and get back into it.

why why why

today im not here to talk about my ww journey but im here to ask why ???? why did i just put my beautiful little girl through a year of chemo when she was only 1 and a half to start with? Why did i listen to those doctors who said that if we put her through the chemo that she wouldnt loose her sight in the bad eye? Today we found out that our baby girl is blind in her bad eye and i cant stop crying she is only 2 and a half and she has been through so much in her short life and there is nothing we can do about it. i put her through chemo every month for what ???? yes her eye does look better and yes the tumour has shrunk but it was supposed to stop her going blind so much for that . Im so angry and hurt and sad and dissapointed , just cant believe this is happening . I should be thankfull that she still has the other eye's sight and that she is healthy and happy but those doctors gave us faulse hope and i hate them for that.

another fortnight gone

well like usual here is another blog, i dunno what is wrong this last fortnight but i just cant seem to get on track and i really havent wanted to and i dont like this feeling. i havent weighed in for 2 weeks and am thinking i dont want to put the weight back on so here i am its monday and ive been back to weight watchers (didnt weight in) but went for the meeting and am going to track every single little thing weather it kills me or not.
i sort of had a little break through tonight i have been a bit depressed (just came off my depression medication) and anyways i though roxy u should just get the dog and go out for a walk it will make ufeel better unfortunately it was dark if only i had of thought of that earlier.
i do realize this is a life time journey which obviously takes a lifetime but god i just wish it wasnt so hard if only i could wite out a list off all the foods and meals i eat and someone would do me a menue plan for me.
On a good note i went down the beach today and actually wore shorts i never go anywhere with shorts on in public so that was a big thing for me i almost didnt do it but with a little help from my partner i got there .
Hopefully next blog will be a happier one with more postives. also more weight loss.
why is it kids always have to be annoying when u just want to relax and sit down for the night god they make u angry sometimes. My daughted bit me today i felt like slapping her but i didnt i never would but god i sometimes think why are they like this ?????

monday monday monday

well as u can see its monday lol, today i have had the laziest day just doing wii fit then trying to organize my mums 50th party.
Have weigh in in half and hour and cant wait so looking forward to it i have been really good this week , even went to a 50th and drank jime beam zeros and instead of having a big piece of cake i had a little bit of my daughters and i mean little. so im proud i have been tracking all week and exercising everyday and i feel good, I feel that good that last week i decided to go off my depression tablets for me , i think the more i have been walking the better i feel and i think the walking makes me want to move more and it even has a weird way of making me want to do the house work (weird i know) it must be those endorphans kicking in.
Will write again sometime in next few days with the results

its friday and im still on track

hi everyone well today is friday and yep im still doing really well this week with being on track , tracking and exercising ( although it would be better if it would stop raining). I have been counting points all week and can proudly say that i am still on track.I have been trying to get about 3 points a day with my exercise considering the weather i think thats good.
I went to big w yesterday and thought i might buy a folder and plastic pockets so that i can write or printrecipes off theweight watchers website as well as making my own so that my partner can help with the cooking as well and know that he is doing it all ok.
On another note i dunno if i have ever written about my beautiful little girl taylah but we find out next week if she will still be finishing chemo in december, i so hope so, i wanna start a new year with no problems and look forward to movinginto a new place ( when we buy one) and not to have her go through what she has had to for the last year. I know its not as bad as some chemo patients but she is still my little girl who is only 29months old.
Anyways enough of that better go pick her up from day care, hopefully i can get through the weekend without any problems as we have a party to go to tomorrow night after work, should be ok my partner is buying me jim beam zero's so that should all be good.
Thats all from me for now.

back on track for real this time

so i was reading the new weight watchers mag last night after my meeting and it had a good article on blogging, how people use it to express themselves kinda like a diary and it got me thinking this would work for me i think, its sort of what i was doing already but maybe ican expand a bit more.
I knew my weigh in this week was going to be bad and im so stupid for letting 1.6kgs get back on NOT HAPPY JAN...... this week and for the rest of my life i am determined to stay on track and count my points , meal plan , exercise and go to my meetings and loose the weight. I get on such a high like everyone else when i loose and its a fantastic feeling especially going into the shops and getting new clothes. Iv always hated clothes shopping not being able to find what i like and stuff like that.
WELL NO MORE - i know i have said it before but i am definately on track i have realised what is the point of eating that fatty food when all it does is make u upset beacause u have gone off plan and it makes u stack on the weight and doesnt even fill u up, yeah it might taste nice but whats the point.
I love my vegies and i think i just have to be better prepared. I had planned to go for a bike ride today but somehow i dont think so as its pouring here sowill get off the computer soon and get my biggest looser dvd out and do that. Maybe even the wii active as well. I been a bit slack lately with all that we brough the wii and have hardly even used it.
Anyways thats enough of my yapping for now have a great day all and ill post again soon

bit of a hiccup but staying on track from now on

Hi all , god its been awhile since i have wrote on here . Since last time i have now gotten up to my 16kgs and am loving it i even went clothes shopping other week and had to order in smaller pants first time ever.
I have been naughty this past week (not all week ) but i know if i go the weigh in tonight it will be bad. Sam our leader challenged us to do 10,000 steps a day and out of the 6 days i did it 5 of them so i am proud of myself for that. I think this week lack of planning really did it for me .
Anyways here is to the start of a new week and here is to seeing less of me .
Hope everyone is doing well on their journey and will post again soon.

keeping to my word

Hi
I just wanted to write on here today being wednesday to say i have been tracking everything since monday and also exercising everyday and u know what i feel good about it . Tomorrow morning i am going for a swim and am going to get on the wii fit/active and do a workout. i will get on there somtime today as well and might even take my daughter for a walk down the park.
I cant believe its taken me this long to get back on track and i hope the results will show next monday night.
thats all for me today have a great day

keeping on track

well as u can see i havent been on here for awhile i have now lost another kg bringing me to 98 but im struggling, its this cold weather. I have been on my wii active today for half an hour and am debating on wether to get back on for another half before weigh in.
I havent been to bad lately its more just counting my points , i suppose i have to keep thinking of what i want and how excited it makes me when someone says *wow u can really notice the weight dropping of*.
I was looking at a pic of me and my daughter the other day and i had just broght these cargo pants and they were tight as, now there as loose as anything, same storey with my pair of black pants a couple of months ago they were tight now i can swim in them lol.
it funny you know my mother in law and sister in law started weight waters with me and my sister in law said make sure u push me to go out walking , every time i try she doesnt wanna go, ah well their loss .
Well i have meeting in an hour and cant wait to c how i have gone for the week going to meetings keeps me in so much more focus for the next week lets hope its a good result.
Have a great week will let u all know how its going.

10% finally

Hi everyone who is reading this..............
Well tonight is monday may the 25th 2009 and i have finally got to my first 10% . I'm so happy i believe i can do it now. Im walking more and eating better even going for a walk and a swim tomorrow see how that goes lol. I cant believe when i started this journey i had about 50kg to lose now i have about 30 something. thats so much . I even went to the doctors last week and she told me that since i last weighed in there just after my daughter was born i have lost 15kg.
It amazes me how i could let it slide so much how i could get this way, i am now going to take things in 5kg lots because i think thats a good number and very achievable.
Anyways enough from me have a great week ill write again soon.

double didgets

This is the first time i have been on here in awhile but i finally have something to write about. I am now finally down to the double didgets and im over the moon.
I cant remember the last time that i was 99kgs. i know i still have a long way to go but im getting there and its great im really starting to notice it in my face and in my clothes. I was able to go shopping the other day a buy a size smaller for my pants and a top that was a size smaller.
This has made me so determind now to keep going and to succeed.
Anyways thats all i have to write for tonight

Another week

Well what a week it has been after seeing my leader in the shopping centre last saturday (a week and 2 days ago) i didnt go to my meeting last monday as i have been sick as a dog.I went back this week though and did better then i though. I put on 600grams which wasnt to bad at least it wasnt like 2 kilos.
I dunno if thats a bad way to look at it or not but yesterday i said to myself im going to go have hungry jacks today for lunch and u know what im going to enjoy it then tomorrow when weigh in day comes i will get back on track and so i did.
I am proud of myself because a few months ago i would have just quit and said ah well thats life. I think that im at a changing point and that watching the biggest looser is making me realize that... as much as it sounds stupid i get really emotional when i watch that show, im forever crying over the most stupid bits in the show. I think it was sunday night one of the yellow team girls was talking about getting teased all her life by her sister and although i used to get teased it was not from my sister but everyone i went to school with and my brothers even my uncle at times and it really has broken me .
My partner tells me that im beautiful and i say yeah whatever..... this is something that i have to fix and i know this journey will help and its a long journey but i will get there.
It makes me so upset to see the way and to remember the way that kids are in school towards other kids....... im sure everone knows what im talking about.
I know that im doing this journey not only for myself but for my daughter as i dont want her to grow up getting teased all her life by kids that think thats its cool to put someone down.
So here is to another new week and a great result for next week. By the way i can finally use the wii fit again havent been able to all week and been missing it soooooo much cant wait till tomorrow morning.
The last bit i want to write is that at my computer dest i have some sayings that i can read and i just want to finish by writting this:

"Only i can change my life. No one else can do it for me"

Feeling great

Hi ,
well as u can read yesterday i went for a walk which i never do by myself and earnt 2.5points throught the rest of the day i continued to walk, at home and at work and got up to 17,540 steps which in total gave me 6.5 points and i feel great, i set out to achieve something and ive done it. I'm going to go for a bike ride today my daughter will be on the back so hopefully she sits there long enough..
My step mother in law (because it was her birthday) decided not to start yesterday which im a little annoyed at but she promises she will start today. She better, its not only her that needs the motivation its me as well and if she does it then i am more likely to push myself more because i wanna loose weight each week as well. Hope that doesnt sound selfish its like a motivation thing.
Anyways i gotta do a couple more things before my daughter wakes up.
have a great day i will, can't wait for this weeks weigh in.

back on track

hi ,
well i feel great today its amazing how when u exercise it makes u feel fantastic.
I had to wait for my car to get serviced so i went for a walk i had 2 hours to spare so i walked for an hour then turned back already this morning i have earned myself 2.5 points and i still have to work yet this arvo cool hey.
On a down note i did put on 1kg this f/n but i ok with that because i got back on track and i have some motivation now my step mother in law joined up last night so i need to make sure i have good results each week.
Anyways that was just a quick note and now im going to have lunch as well as get dinner ready for tonight, were going to the step mother in laws (tanya) for her birthday should be interesting bbq dinner im making chicken shaslicks (how ever u spell that ) least then i can work out that bit of my meal and not worry if i eat a bit of potato salad or something that might be higher in points, but i will try to stay away from all that and only eat the good stuff...... might have to have a piece of birthday cake if there is some but only a little one lol.
Anyways have a great day

Monday - new week back on track

Hi ,
When i woke up this morning i couldnt wait to start back on track again, i had this time written out my menue plan for the week which made it heaps easier . I wasnt looking around the kitchen wondering what to have for breakky. I cut up all my watermelon and rockmelon for each day even weighed them and put them in different containers to keep them seperate and fresh.
I have started my day with 2 vita brits, 1/2 cup skim milk and half a teaspoon raw sugar as well as 180grams of watermelon, 70g of rockmelon and 80g of grapes. I'm so full its not funny but its only like 3.5 points so im happy with that.
Im hoping to have a good loss next monday because i know its going to be a gain this f/n, but i will go out and exercise as well as eat right . Today im going to go trough all my recipe books and find some nice new ones that i have never tried.
I do have to say though just in my 4.5 hours at work yesterday arvo i did earn myself 2.5 points for steps ive done which is good could have been more but im happy with that.
Anyways have a great day will post losses or gain on here later tonight if not tomorrow.
Thanks for reading, roxy

New start

Hi ,

just thought i would write on here again diary time. Well my last blog said that my step mother in law is starting tomorrow and u know what im really looking forward to it, i have made my menue plans for the week and even went shopping to make sure that i had all the right food.

I am going to stay on track from tomorrow onwards and i know that i can do it, i know that i have the support that i need and i know that its what i want and need so from tomorrow onwards im going to make sure i exercise everyday as well as eat right and not go to maccas or hungry jacks or anything like that i dont need them and they dont make me full or happy.....
I am going to kick some butt and get under that bloody 3 didgets.
Roxy

Back from our week away

Hi , well i have been back from our camping trip now since late tuesday arvo . had a great time although the heat nocked alot out of me and my family ( it was 490C where i was) it was still great to get away.
I thought i will take my predometer and make sure i walk and eat right.... well all that went out the window first up the wednesday night before i left my bofriend thinking he was dfoing the right thing put the clothes in the wash along with my predometer so it wasnt working, luckily i had an older one. Then half way to barmah where we were going i realized we forgot the airbed then a little while down the track i looked up into the revision mirror to see something fly out of the trailor (lucky cos it was pitch black ) my daughters porta cot had fallen of so i sent my boyfriend and my dad of for a search lol lucky they found it but not before a car hit it and smashed the wheel. But all is good this is minor we could still use it.
Back to the whole point of all of this it was way to hot to walk , i did go swimming but had to be carefull cos of the current we were in the murry.
Anyways it turned out to be a great trip didnt drink that much and ate a little bad but havent been able to get back on track yet........... Till this monday.............
I have just learnt that my step mother in law is going to join weight watchers with me She has been told she needs to give up the drinking and smokes and eat better as she has high blood pressure . i have explained what weight watcher is and she is excited to join im also excited to be having someone to go with and to encourage me and for me to encourage someone else. I think this is the kick up the bum i need.
And also i wanna be the one to loose more weight lol.
By the way i just wanted to say how i do believe that some people will think that this is a whole lot of rambling about nothing especially with the way that the fires have been tearing peoples lives up, this is just my way of getting my thoughts down and i do hope that everyone is ok. Its such an emotional time at the moment and i am thinking of everyone and hoping that everyone is ok.
This is all for me today ( i promise next time will be more interesting).

Week 16

Well yesterday was monday and i got back on those scales full well knowing i had put on weight especially after the end of the week that i just had . But thats no excuse.
I thought i would ut on about 2 kg but luckily only put on 700grams which is still bad because im trying to get down to the double didgets by end of feb, looks like im just going to have to work more harder and keep away from the junk and alcohol (not that im a big drinker anyways) , what i do know is im going camping on thursday so hopefully i will walk heaps and swim.... maybe i should make a plan or something to walk so far each day or so many steps yeah thats what i might do the most amount of steps i have done in 1 day is 13,000 i think so maybe i should say 15,000 every day it can be done cant it lol. Well lets hope so 15,000 everyday im camping. Also because i have to miss out on weigh in next week its an extra week i need to be good for hopefully have a really good loss.
Anyways enough about that.
Why is it kids go through the terrible 2's and does it last long???? My daughter is only 20months and lately she is hitting and pinching , she is throwing tantrums and wont eat her food or drink her bottle (some of that food bit could be from the chemo) its not good to say but its driving me nuts especially over the last couple of weeks because usually she would go to day care 2 times a week but the week before chemo and the week after i dont put her in so she doesnt get sick and i need a break....... Thank god im getting one today even if it is to go and work.
I dont think some partners realize how hard it actually is although i do have to dmit my partner is really good with taylah but there are times when i need me time, i need that break especially after having her all day and when he comes home i just need some piece and quiet. Is there anything wrong with that? I dont think so...........
Anyways i better leave it at that will try and write again before i go but if not i will be back after next tuesday .

Lifes little ups n downs

Well its has been a really tough couple of months for me and my family i found out my little girl who is 20months old has a non cancerous tumour (nf1) behind her eye which is causing her eye to be lazy and sort of pop out a bit that was back in november or december. Well on Thursday we had to be at hospital at 7am for her to have a port inserted under her skin for when she goes through her chemo instead of having a drip every 3 weeks. As if it wasnt hard enough as it is they kept us waiting till 2:40 in the afternoon before she even got in for her op then she still had to have chemo after that . so by this time they hadnt started the chemo till like 5pm.To make matters worse they say in such a casual way oh u need to have her hooked up to the machine for 3 hours (usually only 1 and a half hours) 2 hours of it was because they needed to rehydrate her. By the time they finished the chemo it was like 9pm and we were stuffed then they drop the next bomb shell u have to stay in over night , just great i though she wont sleep because its not her own bed and how was my partner going to get home he needed to work in the morning. Bloody doctors. I know they were just looking out for her but to keep a little girl without food from midnight the night before and drink from 11am its cruel if we had private health insurance we would of been in and out in a flash well at least in on time, but who has the money these days to be able to afford private insurance.
Anyways thats the little bit of my rant for today .............. on the weight watchers front i havent been so good this week time will tell ,its weigh in day tomorrow might have to get on the treadmill in the morning.
Should be a good week this week though as im going camping and cant wait especially know i know its going to be cooler then it was going to be.will take my predometer with me and go walking and maybe even swimming try get in some exercise .
Thats all i have for now

cup weekend Jamerson 2008

Just thought i would put a clearer newer pic up of me from cup weekend 2008

Week 15

Hi everyone just wanted to say happy australia day,
i did have this big post written out but just realized iwas going between 2 so i have just sorted out that i think and am now starting again.
Im 24 and have avery beautiful little girl Taylah as well as a very loving partner Darren. We live in Carrum Downs in Victoria.
I am writting this blog i suppose because its like an online diary a way to get my feelings out, oh yeah and becuase everyone else is doing it lol.
Im am in my 15th week (3rd time around) at weight watchers and loving it. i have lost 6.9kgs its going slowly but its getting there. I have realized this time around that doing weight watchers is not a quick fix and its not a diet its a lifestyle change and i have to want to do it for myself and not for anyone else.
I think what makes it hard is that fact that i am an emotional eater, and give in really easy, but there is some determination for the next 2 months as in March im going to see my grandpa that lives in Adelaide, i havent seen him since about may last year and would love to be able to go there and go ive lost .... much. I have a goal of getting to my 10% which is only like 5kgs but its still alot as i go up and down like a yo yo . I would also love to loose that 5 because then i will be down in the double didgets and i cant remember the last time i was there.
Anyways hope you all have a great week goodluck with the tracking and the weigh ins.